📌 Navigating Disappointment (Without Skipping the Messy Middle)

Disappointment.

It’s such a small word for something that can feel so heavy.

How do we keep hope while being realistic?

How do we hold a positive mindset without lying to ourselves?

How do we avoid slipping into the glossy fog of toxic positivity, where everything is “fine” and “good vibes only,” even when it’s not?

I do not have all the answers, not even close. This isn’t one of those posts. I’m still in it.

And that’s why I’m writing this.

Sitting in the Middle

Right now, I’m living through an ongoing disappointment. Not the kind that you can point to and say, “Well, that’s done now, time to move on.”

It’s the kind that lingers.The kind that quietly follows you into the grocery store, into conversations with friends, into moments of joy - and reminds you it’s still there.

People mean well.

They remind me how blessed I am.

They tell me how lucky I am.

They try to reframe it for me, to help me “see the positives.”

And they’re not wrong.

I am blessed.

I do have so much to be grateful for.

But… I’m still disappointed.

And the truth that I’m learning? You CAN hold both… somehow (...still learning this one!).

Gratitude doesn’t erase grief. Blessings don’t cancel out unmet expectations.

Noticing Without Judging

Recently I’ve become acquainted with NLP (Neural Linguistic Programming). I love how, in conjunction with my psych and the Cognitive Brain Training (CBT) we are doing, the NLP helps me understand how my brain works, how it changes, that I’m in charge, and what I can do to take the reins and live the life I want to live.

One of the simplest (but not easy) NLP practices is this: Notice without judgment.

When disappointment rises up - maybe as a lump in your throat, a tightening in your chest, a sinking feeling in your stomach - pause.

Name it: This is disappointment.

Notice where it’s sitting in your body.

Let it be there without trying to shoo it away with “at least…” or other justification/reasoned statements.

What I’ve learned is, it’s not about wallowing, it’s about letting the emotion do its work. As Tony Robbins says, “You can’t ignore what you need to change.” 

You can’t heal what you refuse to feel.

The Guilt Layer

If you’re anything like me, there’s guilt that piles on top of the disappointment.

The voice that says:

“You should be grateful.”

“Other people have it worse.”

“You’re so blessed, how dare you feel like this?”

But here’s the truth I learned (thanks to Mel Robbins): Your feelings are real, even if someone else has it worse. There’s no competition for who has the “right” to be disappointed.

So when guilt pops up, I now try to treat it like a neighbour stopping by, acknowledge it, thank it for its concern, but don’t invite it in to unpack a suitcase.

Hope Without Delusion

This for me, is the tricky dance.Keeping hope alive without pretending things are fine.Holding space for “it might get better” while also making peace with “it might not.”

Sometimes, hope isn’t about believing the exact outcome you want will happen. Sometimes, it’s trusting you’ll still be okay if it doesn’t.

Tony Robbins talks about the power of shifting focus, what you focus on determines how you feel. But shifting focus doesn’t mean inventing a false reality or repeating affirmations you don’t actually believe. It’s not about ignoring the hard stuff. It’s about choosing a perspective that keeps you moving forward, without losing sight of where you actually are.

This is probably the hardest part for me when navigating ongoing disappointment - walking that fine line between holding hope for the best, while also quietly preparing my heart for the possibility of the “worst.”

It’s an exhausting balancing act. Some days I lean too far into hope and end up blindsided by reality. Other days I brace so hard for disappointment that I rob myself of any joy or possibility. Finding the middle ground feels like trying to balance a full cup of coffee while walking over massive chunky gravel.

And maybe... that’s the real work, learning how to hope with both feet on the ground. Staying open to the beauty that could happen, while also knowing that if it doesn’t, I will still be standing. That I will still find a way to breathe, to heal, to keep going. Even when in the depths of my disappointment it feels like I won’t. 

The best and worst thing I keep reminding myself is, Life Goes On. Sometimes I love that. Sometimes I hate it. But regardless, it remains true either way…

If You’re Here Too

If you’re also carrying an ongoing disappointment, you’re not alone.

I’m not going to tell you to “look on the bright side” or “trust the timing.”

And not because those things aren’t true, but because maybe, like me, right now you just need someone to sit with you in it.

So here I am. On the couch.

No rush.

No silver linings lecture.

Just a quiet space where you’re allowed to be disappointed and grateful, hopeful and realistic.

When you’re ready to keep going, you will.

And until then, we can just sit here together.

See you on The Other Side,

Sarah 

**If you want to know more about NLP, check out the podcast “NLP Matters” with Jo Clark.